8 Actionable Tips to Keep your Tweens & Teens Safe Online
This is part of QuaranTeens + Tweens, a series of conversations with experts and curated resources on youth cyber safety and mental wellness.
Quarantining at home suddenly shifted our teens and tweens academic and social lives online, creating a breeding ground for unsafe or unhealthy online behaviors. From cyberbullying and depression/anxiety to sexting and predators, more time online opens up the window for negative online behavior.
We urgently need big tech companies to prioritize making their platforms and products safer for kids, but we can’t rely on that to happen soon. We need to take action at home. I’s more important than ever for parents to be vigilant and informed about the dangers their teens & tweens face online. Now and always.
Family Ground Rules. Phones & devices are privileges that come with responsibility.
1. No devices in the bedroom or bathroom.
Keeping devices only in shared spaces in the home is one of the biggest moves you can make to keep predators away from your kids. This dramatically decreases the likelihood of an attempted video chat, photo or text response to an inappropriate request, or visit to an adult website.
2. Discuss the responsibility that comes with internet access.
Ensure your children understand the various dangers and privileges of internet access. Sexual predators, hackers, and scammers are all pitfalls of being online. Help your children understand (on an age-appropriate level) what can happen if they aren’t careful online. They should also understand how important and special it is to have access to the internet.
3. Know ALL passwords and check the privacy settings.
As parents that have experienced an unimaginable loss, we can share that we did have our son’s phone and app passwords. If we had not, we would have had no access to his phone and laptop. The only way to open up devices without a password is to wipe them clean and all data is gone forever. An essential ground rule: Know all passwords – or no device for your tweens and teens. Check their device passwords often to be sure the passwords have not changed, they will stop changing them if they know you care enough to check on this.
Privacy settings: Carly Yoost, founder of the Child Rescue Coalition, explained to Good Morning America that parents can step up internet security in their homes by making sure all of their social media accounts are private with location tracking turned off. Her pro tip for iPhone families? “Make sure you set your camera to never allow your child’s location to be seen. To do this, go to Settings > Privacy > Location Services (ON) > Camera set to NEVER.” Note that turning off location settings for the camera or social media accounts won’t affect any other features, such as Find My iPhone
Keep links & connections private. Along those same lines, as your kids video chat with friends, teachers, and classmates, make sure their connections are private. Links to video chats should never be shared publicly (like on social media), and the meeting itself should be set to private. In response to complaints about the security of their platform, Zoom released useful tips for keeping chat groups safe—and keeping unwanted guests out. Also, ensure that all video chat software is fully updated, to take advantage of the newest security features that have been released.
4. Make it official.
Consider writing up a Family Media Plan. Or a Child and Parent Tech Contract. This strategy can be customized to the ages and online hobbies of your kids, with the general idea that together you have agreed to some concrete rules regarding internet and device use. Of course kids aren’t always inclined to follow the rules, but having a written list to reference can help solidify and reinforce good online behaviors. Consider some rules like, “No private messages with strangers,” or, “Never send personal pictures to anyone online.” Whatever works best for your family.
Safety first. Love is not the same as trust.
5. Monitoring is a must.
Technology was already a huge part of kids’ lives before the COVID-19 outbreak, but now it’s their primary lifeline to the world outside the home. As more aspects of our daily lives move online, it’s more important than ever to keep an open dialogue with children about how they use the internet. The Cyberbullying Research Center has a helpful list of questions to ask kids about tech use to get the conversation started.
Nothing replaces observant, engaged and informed parents. But, even the most informed parent is not able to monitor their teens and tweens devices without help. We highly recommend using Bark, a parental control phone monitoring app to help keep kids safer online.
Establishing an automated alert and monitoring system is an important step to understanding your child’s online actions and mental wellness. It is impossible to monitor a device yourself! Bark connects to 30+ platforms to monitor text messages, emails and social activity for signs of harmful interactions and content. It detects the activities that you have selected to get automatic alerts via text or email when their algorithms detect potential risks, so you don’t have to comb through every post and text. Included in the alerts are expert recommendations of how to discuss the sensitive online issue.
Receive one month FREE MONITORING from bark by using the code GABRIEL at bark.us
6. Understand cyberbullying.
According to Common Sense Media, “Cyberbullying is the use of digital-communication tools (such as the Internet and cell phones) to make another person feel angry, sad, or scared, usually again and again.” If these behaviors are intentional and recurring, you may have a case of cyberbullying on your hands.
7. Look for the warning signs.
If your child is evasive about their online activities, often hiding their screen from you, or otherwise acts out of the ordinary in regards to their devices, it’s possible they could be involved in cyberbullying or other unsafe activities. If you notice warning signs, it may be time to step up your monitoring of their online behavior. Bark helps with this.
8. Be a good role model.
Kids imitate those around them—use this to your advantage! Just as parents can for their kids in the real world, they can do the same online. Constantly reinforce concepts of empathy, resilience, and self-esteem in your own actions, both on- and offline. Keep your own posts uplifting and positive when you can, rather than posting mean-spirited or inflammatory content. Avoid bickering in comments on social media, or criticizing others. These behaviors may eventually be reflected in your own child’s online presence.
In summary, review Bark.us, start the conversation with your teens & tweens and just do your best. Your children will see you trying and that’s what’s important. There will always be grey areas in life. Boundaries and structures are important, but building safe and healthy relationships is more so.
Bark is a parental control phone monitoring app to help keep kids safer online. Bark monitors social media, text, and email on Android and iOS devices. They are a partner of Gabriel’s Light and we highly recommend their services to help keep your kids safe online.
*There are affiliate links throughout this post because we’ve tested and trust a small list of parental control solutions. Our work saves you time! If you decide that you agree with us, then we may earn a donation to our organization, which does nothing to your price. Enjoy!
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About Gabriel's Light
In 2019, Carol and Brendan Deely founded Gabriel’s Light in honor of their son who died by suicide at age 12. In honor of Gabe and all those lost to suicide, they share their journey with the hope that others may learn and grow from their tragedy. Focusing on three pillars of cyber safety, suicide prevention, and kindness campaigns, through outreach, programs, partnerships, and funding, they raise awareness and inspire youth, parents, and educators to take action and help forward their mission.